Trust
by madame.alexandra
Summary: Leia considers whether her virginity made her more attractive to Han. H/L - ESB time period. On the trip to Bespin. [Conversation Collection].


a/n: conversation oneshots are good for the soul

* * *

 _Trust_

* * *

Water poured from the faucet above them, and Leia let it tumble over her, adjusting to the heat with little shivers of pleasure. Han stood close to her, his toes touching hers, towering over her without threatening her, sharing the hot spray.

The wetness of it was precious, an odd thing to be so humbled by – but they were rationing water, and this was a rarity, a coveted indulgence. Han lifted his hands and slid them through her hair, pulling her towards him tightly, and she pressed her cheek against his chest, closing her eyes, reveling in the water.

His heart beat against her ear, and she was fascinated that in such a short few hours, things could change so much; that they could go from what they were then, to what they were now – clothed, and guarded, to naked, and honest.

His fingertips massaged her scalp, and he tilted her head back, dropping his head to kiss her forehead.

"How's it feel, hmm?" he asked, his voice low, just loud enough to be heard over the rushing water. "You, how d' _you_ feel?"

Leia licked her lips, taking the lower one between her teeth. She blinked against the water in her eyes, and smiled. Her skin was flushed from more than the heat. She nodded, slinging her hands forward and sliding them over his hips, around to his back.

She let the water soak her hair, taking a deep breath, grateful for the warmth, stepping back a little to tuck some of her hair behind her ears. He glanced down at the drain, subtly checking the rivulets of water for any remaining splashes of blood, and then looked back up at her.

"You good if I turn the water off?" he asked.

She nodded, and he swiftly reached past her and shut the system down, lest Chewbacca or Threepio get it into their heads to come lecturing.

The 'fresher filled with hazy steam, and the air started to chill, and Han stepped closer, wrapping Leia in a tight hug for a few long heartbeats. When he pulled away, he was reaching for his towel and handing it to her, grabbing the spare for himself.

She tucked her hair behind her ears and discreetly dried between her legs, checking for blood, before dusting it over her entire body lightly, and then tying it neatly around her, making a short tunic out of it. Han toweled off his hair, hardly bothering with the rest of him, standing close to her still.

He was the one who had suggested they rinse off – _really_ rinse off; spoil themselves with a hot 'fresher. She could think of little more appealing than a real, water shower after weeks and weeks of the sonics, and particularly one with him, to linger together and wash off the intimate mess that was sex.

Leia cleared her throat and turned around, running her hand flat over the mirror to clear the condensation. She peered at her rosy, dewy reflection, and lifted her gaze, watching Han move around behind her.

"Is it," she started hesitantly, pursing her lips a little impishly, "a turn on for you?" she asked.

Han looked up, pausing, the towel held at his waist. He shook it out a little, and then took a minute to decide if he was going to tie it around him, or drape it over his shoulders. He chose to drape. He tugged at the edges of it, tilting his head.

"What, you?" he asked. He arched a brow. He strode forward, leaning against her from behind and running his hands up her side, bending to kiss the back of her neck. " _Hmmm_. Thought I made that _very_ clear," he murmured.

She dipped her head, her heart racing, a bedeviled smile bursting across her lips. The touch was light, and ticklish, and she relaxed into him, shaking her head with a blush.

"Mm-mm," she murmured, flicking her eyes up to catch his in the mirror. "That I am," she paused, her brows growing up, and then shifted her weight from foot to foot, "was," she corrected huskily, "a virgin?"

He looked up slowly, his lips parted, expression unreadable. She watched him cock his head, to look down at her, and then look back up to stare at her in the mirror. He reached forward and braced a hand on the sink, his brow furrowing a little. He squeezed her hip, considering it.

"Yeah," he answered finally, "but prob'ly not the way you think," he added, with a quiet snort.

She cocked her head, interest piqued. The condensation in the mirror began to creep back, illuminating their reflections better. She glanced at herself, studying her face, watching him – she looked no different.

He leaned forward and kissed her throat, pulling her gently back into him at the hip. She wriggled a little, watching him, drawing his attention back. She turned her head slightly, her cheek pressing into his bent forehead.

"What 'way' do I think?" she probed softly.

Han grunted, looking up again warily. He shrugged.

"Some idea you got from porn," he said bluntly. "That'm into it 'cause it's a dominance thing, or 'cause you're so," he paused, pressing a fluttery kiss to her ear, "tight," he murmured.

"And I'm not?" Leia asked, feigning innocence.

He paused, and then looked up at her only for a moment to see she was teasing. He grinned at her, and went back to pressing soft kisses to her neck and shoulders.

"S'not why it's a turn on," he murmured.

He didn't say anything else, and Leia tilted her head to the side, watching him kiss her thoughtfully.

"You think I get ideas from pornography?" she asked. "You think _I_ watch pornography?"

Han did not stop kissing, and did not look up at her.

"You wanna look me in the eye and tell me you ain't never watched it, go ahead," he drawled. "Royal _liar_."

At that, he did look up at her, pointedly, and she held his gaze for a moment, just as pointedly, before she silently conceded, and looked away – but she hadn't watched it for personal pleasure. She'd watched it out of clinical curiosity.

"So," she murmured.

She pressed her hand to the knot she'd tied in the towel, holding it up. Water dried slowly on her skin, and with it, the pink flush faded, and she studied herself still – was the eradication of her virginity such a mild thing, such a subtle shift in her, because it was with _him_ , a man she knew she'd never regret, or because she was past the tender years of her life when it would have seemed much more scandalous and uncertain, because she was beyond the tumultuous threshold of adolescence?

"So," he drawled, waiting, left hanging.

She cleared her throat softly, turning a little.

"Why does it turn you on, then?"

Han leaned back. He straightened, and then stepped around her, slouching against the wall, one hip cocked against the sink – a comical sight, with his towel draped around his neck, and the rest of him unabashedly naked.

He looked at her for a long time, and then lifted his chin.

"Why'd you never sleep with anyone before me?" he asked, skirting her question.

She opened her mouth, about to protest, and then noticed – that he had a pointed look in his eye, as if he were going somewhere with this. So, pressing the towel tighter to her, she turned to mimic the way he was standing, her hip against the sink, too, and took the bait.

"I didn't want to," she answered simply.

"That's it?" Han asked, tilting his head.

Leia pursed her lips.

"Some do find that hard to believe," she said ruefully. "Sith forbid, right?" she murmured. "Yes, that's it. I never wanted to go that far. It doesn't mean I never wanted to be touched. I merely didn't want to consummate the touching."

Han folded his arms, his lips turning up a little – not in a smirk, but in quiet, contemplative admiration. He waited, and she hesitated, biting her lower lip for a heartbeat of a moment.

"Yeah," Han grunted intently. "But _why_?"

She took a deep breath, shifting her feet. She traced her finger along the edge of the towel, and then her lashes fluttered thoughtfully.

"I wanted…something…better," she began slowly, "than _fumbling_."

She blinked.

She swallowed hard.

"I didn't want my title or my money or my power being part of the bargain, even a _little_ bit," she whispered, "or the threat of rumors about who got me, or regrets, because I did it when I was young and impetuous and," she snapped her fingers softly, "not thinking with the right kind of heart."

Han bowed his head, listening. After a moment, he nodded, and looked back up at her, reaching up to run his hand over his jaw.

"I kinda figured you had those kind of…standards," he said gruffly. "Y'know, real, uh, protective of yourself, 'cause this is," he gestured between them, "it's personal, it's more personal than _I've_ made it, sometimes," he admitted huskily, thinking of past flings, and carelessness, and hurt feelings.

He shrugged, lowering his hand.

"That's why it's a turn on," he said.

Leia toyed with the knot of her towel again.

"It's a turn on because I was a frigid little prude?" she snorted.

He shook his head, ignoring the jibe she took at herself.

"You trusted me," he said. He swallowed hard. " _Me_."

He bowed his head, letting out a slow breath, as if he still couldn't believe it.

"Nothin's felt _that_ good in a long time," he murmured.

Leia caught her breath, shifting closer. She loosened the towel and let it fall, standing close to him, just as naked. He glanced down at it, and then up, leaning forward. She turned to catch her own eye in the mirror.

"You feel different?" he asked, pressing a kiss to her jaw.

She shook her head, turning her head towards him.

"No," she murmured honestly, her nose nudging his as she looked into his eyes. "But I think if it had happened differently, when I was…less mature," she shrugged. "I would have."

She might have thought every little part of it was changing her in insurmountable ways. Now, she was old enough to know this was just an experience, and she'd made a decision based on emotion, yes, and desire, but heart, too, and confidence in her ability to navigate it.

Han slid his arms around her. He pulled her close, breathing her in, and then straightened, boosting her up to the edge of the sink. He leaned into her, kissing her hard, and slipping his hand over her knees and up her thighs. Leia held his face in her hands, tilting her head back, consumed by it. She felt him stirring between her legs, and let her hands fall to his shoulders, draped around his neck.

"Was it fumbling?" he mumbled in her ear, grinning into her skin.

She laughed, a husky, full-throated sound, and cleaved closer, blushing.

"Yes – "

"Hate to break it to you, always is. Even when you're good – "

"— but it was _mostly_ my fault," she whispered.

He shook his head.

" _No_ ," he disagreed fervently, pressing his nose into her shoulder with a soft, sensual moan. "You, Sweetheart, mmm. You're…incredible."

She scraped her nails over him lightly, and then slid her hands down his chest to his hips, shifting her legs apart a little more. Confident, she lifted her knees, looking up at him, encouraging, and he brushed her hand away gently, shaking his head. Instead, he bent to kiss her breasts.

"Don't get cocky, Princess."

"That's exactly what I'm trying to do, get your – "

"Gotta work your way up to being fucked on the sink, you hear me?"

She giggled softly as his lips moved lower, and he took a knee, kissing the inside of her thigh.

"Lie back," he bid her roguishly, "and think of – "

"Coruscant?" she supplied, shivers running through her as she thought of the cliché.

He shook his head, and winked –

"A working hyper drive," he retorted – something to really get the both of them going.

She laughed, tilting her head back, and had to reach behind her to hold herself up as his mouth touched her intimately. She kept her hands there until her wrists ached, and she had to slid them into his hair instead, and she thought that perhaps now, she wasn't so keen on getting that hyper drive fixed – his touch woke something in her that was more than just lust, more than fleeting romance – he was right; it was trust, and trust was the foundation of the strongest bonds.

* * *

 _-alexandra_

 _story #384_


End file.
